Something popped into my mind the other day. Fortunately, this time it was merely a random thought, and not something that required the use of a drill, fire, and consecrated tongs to remove from my head.

No, this was an idea about movie casting. That is, casting actors for parts in a movie, and not…well, whatever the hell else that could mean. I’m not a huge movie aficionado, so I don’t have the strongest grasp of movie terminology. This is not a subject that occupies much of my time; I don’t spend countless hours thinking about the perfect cast for a given movie, or concept. I have not, for example, given any real thought to who should be cast for a movie based on Watchmen. That’s probably a bad example, though, because I just don’t think that you could film that movie as anything other than a 10-hour miniseries, and even then you’d be dropping quite a bit. The damn thing is just too dense, and focusing on the “main” story would reduce the impact substantially and turn it…ok, right, no need to digress too far. I have little hope for V for Vendetta, for similar reasons, although I hope that it’s just that the trailers have been designed to sell it as an action flick, and that the movie itself isn’t action-only.

So, right, I was thinking about The A-Team. I’ve read rumors about a possible movie version, and it’s not as if that’s outside the realm of possibility. No, I’d say that it’s very much within that realm, right there with the Magnum, P.I. movie version that’s going to be made.

Given that it will be done, then, let’s cast this thing. First of all, no one cares about anyone other than the four team members, right? Sure, there will be Obligatory Female Role, and Nefarious Bad Guy, but I’m not concerned about that. I’m sticking with the four main guys.

Now, Hollywood, being packed full of Suck, is going to make a light, happy, maybe even somewhat wacky version of the show. Heck with that: To make it interesting, it’s gotta go dark. Dark, menacing, and all that. So we cast accordingly.

We’ve got the leader, “Hannibal” Smith. Thinking of serious, white-haired actors, I come up with Anthony Hopkins. That’s probably because of the Hannibal thing, though. He’s a bit shorter than George Peppard, so that’s a problem. Lee Marvin would be great, but he’s dead. Hopkins is also British, but I won’t let “Is a Foreigner” be a problem. Anthony could probably work around that. Maybe Gary Oldman. I mean the crazy, manic Gary Oldman. I think he’d do. I’m not sold on him, though, so I’m open to better suggestions.

“B.A.” Baracus: Tiny Lister. He can do menacing, threatening, and not at all mentally stable, and, by god, he’s 6’7”. That one was easy.

“Face”: Ok, here’s another where I don’t have a great idea. I know, what the hell is the point of this column, right? Trust me, I’m getting there. So, Face: Erm...How about Jude Law? He can do charming and smarmy, but I haven’t seen enough movies with him in it to know if he can do Dark and Threatening. I’ll assume so, though.

So, this leaves us with “Howling Mad” Murdock: A character that the rest of the team is forced to release from a mental institution on a regular basis. Dwight Schultz was fine, of course, but he was a happy, genial sort of madman. We need someone who can play Dangerous Crazy. Yeah, you know who I mean: Brad Dourif. Maybe Crispin Glover, but I’m pulling for Brad*. I think that Brad would do a fine job of going from happy and gregarious to freakin’ scary insane. And that’s what I want: You’re supposed to hire the A-Team as a last resort, and so they damn well had better be the sort of people that you only call when you’re really, really desperate. In the TV show, they were a bunch of pretty decent guys. For a wanted band of renegades, they were amazingly happy and cheerful.

Heck with that: If these guys are ex-Special Forces, hunted by their own government and forced into hiding, then they’re going to be bitter and vengeful and quite possibly somewhat unhinged. But they’re determined to be the Good Guys, despite that “Framed for a crime they didn’t commit” detail.

I wouldn’t change the van, though.

* Although Crispin is playing Grendel in the upcoming Beowulf film, which should mean that the movie stands a chance of being at least a bit interesting.