I was in an all-day meeting last week. What it was about isn’t important. It’s enough to say that, while it was a decent overview of the new product, nothing that was discussed falls into the docs that I write. However, I did take notes.

• design newsgroup: [newsgroup]
• no AFP support
• The door doesn’t close. Close it, dammit. Look, don’t worry about it slamming, it doesn’t close all the way. Fine, fine, I’ll close it, and in a very pointed way. But no, you’re already across the room. [Repeat a few dozen times.]
• ”Hey, they’re filled with ice cream!” No, it’s just very cold regular cream. Ok, fine. I suppose that is basically like ice cream.
• No more questions. Stop encouraging them to ask questions.
• Bastards, hogging a water carafe for themselves.
• Chicken? Pork? Long pig?
• More applause from next door.
• These walls are thick, but don’t dampen sounds well. Maybe they’re hollow. Someone could put a speaker between them, broadcast some bloodcurdling screams, and make everyone race from one room to another.
• Bathroom again, buddy?
• The chair is cutting off my blood supply. It’s a question of good posture vs. atrophied limbs.
• These decisions are going to keep consulting in business. Do we get a cut from them?
• ”Recordize.” To turn into a record. Jesus.
• Surprisingly few spelling errors in the Powerpoint slides.
• Look at how much otherwise potentially productive time was spent making Powerpoint slides.
• I prefer the pens from classes. They have a built-in highlighter. And make better spaceships.
• Rolls. Why the hell do they always serve rolls? Who eats a roll with sweet and sour tofu/pork? Ok, that guy. But who else?
• That’s some nasty ice tea. It efficiently combines bitterness and cloying sweetness. That’s amazing.
• I want my GBA. And, of course, the opportunity to use it without getting caught.
• Time to resort to caffeine and sugar, or can I hold out?
• No one ever knows how to work the lights in these rooms. How come all conference rooms have confusing switch banks? There’s a fortune to be made in good light control panels. Or at least aggravation to be saved.
• I wonder how many pens they buy a year.
• Why bother with fake wood veneer on a plastic table? Can’t we just accept the truth? Or does the pattern serve some purpose, like occupying our attention enough to keep us awake.
• Oop. Nodded off there. Have some water to show that I’m awake.
• I should write this stuff down. Potential easy column!
• Jeans. Slacks. Slacks. Jeans. Slacks. Jeans. Jeans.
• It’s 80 degrees outside. Why do you people have jackets?
• The little pastries with plain (non-ice) cream are far superior to the ones with strawberry cream.
• I wonder how heavy those hanging lights are?
• Hey! I’ve already told you that the door doesn’t close. Dammit.
• Having to lean over and pull the door closed every few minutes does keep me awake, though.
• At least I can leave earlier than the dev people.
• I’ve got my computer. I can just go home after this. No one else will be in the office.
• Why do I always morph that song into that other song at the chorus?
• That’s the third time they’ve taken my glass of water. I guess it keeps them busy.
• Ah, dry, cold air. My contacts harden into inflexible discs.
• Are they going to talk about install? No, of course not.
• Any info useful to me? Nope. Keep jotting random notes.
• Now I’m imagining the wide foot at the bottom of the glass morphing into mechanical spider legs. Could glass support that? Water in the abdomen, squirted out through the thorax. Very disconcerting to others, but, hey, it’s a glass spider. Why not?
• Ooh, fiber optic web.
• How about a magic item that’s just a cup that keeps liquid cold? Eh, people are used to warm drinks in a medieval fantasy setting, so no one would make (or want) one.
• Gah. 1.5 hours behind schedule. No leaving early for me.
• Time for the caffeine.
• ”Modal dialog.” Modons? Were those the living geometric solids from Monster Manual 2? What the hell was that about? Just a joke about living dice?
• Talk. Faster.
• Now another table has appropriated their own water jar. Metal container thing. “Carafe” is really too damn pretentious a word for a cheap metal jar.
• Wow. Caffeine worked. I guess it’s been a while.
• At least I got out for a walk at lunch. Only 80 pages to go in the book. Woo!
• I should do a column about books I’ve read recently. Except that’s basically a book report.
• I think I need another longbox for my comics. I’m going to need to reinforce that side of the attic.
• Whoa. That guy’s head looks like an egg. Well, an egg with a goatee.
• Sure, reduce the relevance of that feature right after I’ve added a ton of info to that chapter.
• I hope this guy married when he had hair. Maybe his wife’s head looks like a chicken. Damn, where did that come from?
• This is Harlock’s thought process hopped up on sugar, caffeine, and boredom.
• Mmm…tasty sesame mecha.
• Oracle: lace, race, clear, lore, coal, real, core, role, care, cola
• If I sell those mech minis, I’ll have more room for the Madcat and Vulture resculpts…
• I still need to find something to use for VTOL rotors. On minis. Although, hell, having a ready supply of VTOL rotors can’t hurt, right? Unless they fall out of the sky.
• I’d better see if storage boxes for minis are still on sale.
• Should I add a light on the side of the garage to the same circuit as the other outside lights? How many wallboard panels will I have to tear out? How much would a contractor cost?
• Huh. 4:35.
• ”I’ve got a monkey…”
• Time to work on my plan to write a book, win awards, make millions, and retire as a recluse.
• To my orbital space station!
• (”Hurry, Robin! To the orbital Batstation!”)
• Bats would be great in a space station. Space bats.
• We’ve replaced your normal water glasses with tauntingly small glasses. We’ve also filled the carafes with ice, even though there are two buckets of ice right there. You will enjoy the ice.

Columns by Harlock