Dear Mr. President,
Since you're going to be running the country again for the next four years, I thought it would be ok to send you a few suggestions that you might like to consider.
First off, let's do something about that messy situation in Iraq. It's all very well beating the army of the bad guy, but after the credits, we all rather hope that everyone gets to live happily ever after. I know you don't think much of the Hollywood crowd, but in this area I think they have the right approach. So, time to stop pussyfooting around and clean house, as I believe you Americans say. The Iraqi people have had a bad enough time of it over the last 30 years, and they could probably do with a bit of peace and prosperity. Yes, I know we'll get there, but let's get there a bit sooner, eh?
Afghanistan. Nice job. Bit of a shame that old UBL made a getaway, but it's a bit much to expect to catch all the vermin in one go. Still, democracy for all, women actually able to get healthcare, children no longer encouraged to rat out their parents, and a soccer stadium used for, well, soccer and not public mutilation. As I said, nice job. Do keep it up though. No wandering off and forgetting about the place.
Now, about Europe. My advice is don't worry too much about the Europeans. Let me summarize it this way; how many people in the US could name *any* member of, say, the German government? Not many. Now, how many Germans could name a member of the US government? Exactly. Lots. And the reason? It's that the it doesn't *matter* who's in the German government. It's Germany! Last time they mattered on *this* side of the Atlantic, they were all wearing black uniforms and humming Wagner. Don't forget, whatever they mutter on CNN, the Europeans need us far more than we need them. The trick is to show them you have a plan, and they'll come along sooner or later. Rather like dealing with a poorly trained puppy. Except for the roll of newspaper. Although, perhaps they'll respond rather well to a slap across the nose with a copy of USA Today. Worth a try next time you see the French Premier, I suspect.
Dealing with the other side of the house. Do try to bring them along this time around would you? We all know you won, but it'd be nice if they could help out. So no rubbing their noses in it. Give them something useful, but not too taxing to worry about. (No pun intended, of course.) Reclaiming swamps or protecting tree frogs. You know the sort of thing they like. I'll leave it up to you.
The Supreme Court could do with a bit of a spring-clean while you're out and about. Put in a few decent blokes with their heads screwed on and we can really make some progress. Again, you know the sort of thing.
Fiscal policy. Yes, this one's going to need a good looking at. I know we've had a war, and a recession, and well, lots of other dreadful things, but it's about time to rein in the spending eh? I like the idea of overhauling the tax code, but let's try to use the opportunity to shrink the government a tad too. It's all starting to look a bit bloaty over there. And no, John Edwards being out of work doesn't count as shrinking the government.
Well, that should do it for now. Make sure you look after old Rummy if you're going to put him out to pasture, and say hello to Ms. Rice for me. I'll keep you up to date with how things are going and if you have any questions, please feel free to ask.
Lictor.
PS. you might want to keep an eye on that Clinton woman. I think she's up to something. Just a head's up.