First off tonight, a rare appearance in public by Doctor Destructo.
*applause*
Hi there Doctor Destructo. It's great to see you.
HI THERE JIM. IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE. AND PLEASE, CALL ME DES.
Oh sure, "Des." Heh. So, how are things in the Supervillain business these days?
WELL, CAN'T COMPLAIN. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. SOME DAYS YOU'RE ON TOP, SOME DAYS YOUR LIFE WORK IS TORN ASSUNDER BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES. COMME CE COMME SA.
Right. Well, let me tell you, after the League of Heroes destroyed your sub-oceanic lair of doom, I was pretty much certain we wouldn't hear from you again.
HEH HEH HEH. YES, THAT WAS QUITE A BLAST WASN'T IT? WHAT A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE IS THAT FOR US SUPERVILLAINS, RANDOM AND ARBITRARY DESTRUCTION IS PRETTY MUCH A WAY OF LIFE. I'VE SEEN WORSE.
Really? Worse than being buried alive beneath millions of gallons of icy black water?
OH SURE. MMM. LOVELY COFFEE BY THE WAY.
Thanks.
THERE WAS ONE TIME THAT CAPTAIN CANADA FIRED ME OFF TO THE VERY HEART OF THE SUN TRAPPED INSIDE MY ORBITAL BOMBARDMENT FORTRESS. LET ME TELL YOU, THAT WAS QUITE A MESS.
I'm sure. Yet despite the constant setbacks you still keep coming back for more? I hear even now The Prophet of Doom has just announced his intention to "Scour the earth of all unbelievers" using some kind of electromagnetic field to focus the earth's sunlight. I mean, why?
I THINK FOR MANY OF US IT'S BEEN A MATTER OF PROFESIONAL PRIDE. SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT, AND WE REALLY TRY TO DO THE BEST WE CAN. SURE WE FAIL, AND OFTEN DOOM HUNDREDS OF OUR FOLLOWERS TO MESSY AND USUALLY SPECTACUALR DEATHS, BUT IN THE END, IT'S THAT OLD SHOWBUSINESS SPIRIT. OF COURSE, THINGS ARE CHANGING NOW. IT'S REALLY NOT THE BUSINESS I STARTED OUT IN.
Yes, I understand that's the main reason you've agreed to speak out tonight.
ABSOLUTELY JIM. OH, THESE MINT COOKIES ARE JUST DELIGHTFUL. REALLY.
Please, have another. They are to die for aren't they?
THANKS. I'LL HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL I HAVE SOMEONE TO DIE FOR THEM THOUGH. MAYBE I COULD HAVE THE RECIPE?
I, uh, sure. Yes. And please. No one has to actually "die for them"
I THINK I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT, YES? ANYWAY, AS I WAS SAYING, THERE'S BEEN A DISTURBING TREND IN THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS, OF OURSOURCING AND NOW "OFF-SHORING" A LOT OF THE DAY TO DAY VILLAINING. IT'S GETTING HARD TO COMPETE WITH LOW COST SUPERVILLAINS WORKING IN 24/7 CALL CENTERS.
I'm surprised that, well, there's a market for low-cost supervillains operating in foreign countries.
OH YES. YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER; OUR EMPLOYERS ARE TYPICALLY GOVERNMENTS TRYING TO MAKE SURE THE POPULATION STAYS PARANOID ENOUGH TO NOT QUESTION DOMESTIC POLICY TOO CLOSELY. IF YOU CAN SAVE MONEY BY HAVING YOUR SUPERVILLAINS BASED OUT OF, SAY, BANGALORE, THEN WHY NOT?
I'd never really thought of it that way. And you feel that this is bad for Supervillaining in general? Or is it just the wave of the future?
OH IT'S BAD. SURE THEY COST LESS, THEY WORK ALL THE HOURS THAT GOD SENDS AND THEY'RE POLITE, PUNCTUAL AND WELL TRAINED. BUT IN THE END, WE'RE JUST LOSING OUR SKILL BASE ABROAD. WHAT WE NEED TO DECIDE IS IF WE, AS A NATION, WANT TO STOP ACTUALLY BEING WORLD LEADERS IN VILLAINY AND JUST RELY ON A BUNCH OF SEXUALLY REPRESSED HALF-WITS IN SPANDEX TIGHTS TO RUNS THINGS.
Well, that's quite a way to refer to the likes of Captain Purity, The Flying Avenger and The Cadre of Truth.
ACTUALLY I MEANT OUR POLITICIANS, BUT I THINK MY POINT STANDS.