I always feel kind of guilty that I don't take baths.
It seems odd, I know, but there you are. It's not like I wander around with a permanent cloud of flies hovering about my body, I mean, I take *showers* but baths just don't appeal. I can't help feeling like I should be taking baths but I just don't like it. I'm not sure if it's the sensation of sitting in hot water (which rather than relaxing me just tends to make me feel hot and yucky) or the passivity of simply lying in a tub doing nothing.
The Romans were always big on baths, of course, but then they'd get out and rub olive oil all over themselves and use metal scrapers and other such oddities. I suspect that if I start disappearing into the bathroom with a tub of olive oil and a handful of hardware my wife is going to suspect I'm up to no good. And she'd be right, of course. Not that the Romans being into bathing is much of a recommendation either. I mean, they did all sorts of unpleasant things that I frankly wouldn't want to try. Or even watch from a distance.
No, lying around in a big tub of water and waiting to get clean doesn't have the same attraction as a good active scrub in the shower, followed by a brisk rub-down with a nice dry towel.
Perhaps I'm missing the point though. Perhaps the popularity of baths is nothing to do with getting clean. But if it's for recreational purposes, why bother? Let's face it, it's a far from ideal place to read a book. One slip and your Moby Dick will be all soggy with no hope of being useful for ages. (Please don't quote that out of context.) The bath is far from the best place to watch TV. I mean, electricity, water, nasty, organ-bursting death. Not my idea of fun.
Bath toys, I suppose, could liven the experience up a tad. Little boats, sea monsters, tidal waves and fog-banks of soapy doom, but I don't see it holding my attention all that long and it's nothing to write home about. I mean that by the way. If you need to write home, don't bother telling them about your bath toys. Trust me.
So come on, what else is there? I mean, your lying there, all soapy and hot and not wearing anything. What the heck can you get up to to make the whole thing interesting? It's not like you could... I mean... wait a minute...
So you're saying I could... actually *in* the bath? With the water and everything? And that's legal in Texas?
Oh my.
You know, after that, I think I do need a shower. A cold one.