UPN have decided that what the world really needs is a reality show based on the Amish. Stick four or five Amish teenagers in a house in California along with a bunch of doubtless completely randomly selected 'regular' kids and watch the fun!
Experience the thrill of watching the Amish deal with real-life issues like 'electricity' and 'cars.' The important thing, I'm sure, is that the whole thing will be done with the greatest of taste and respecting the individuals concerned.
Images of television execs staring into an empty barrel and muttering, "Gee, I guess we really have reached the bottom," spring to mind.
But wait! Don't despair! I have the perfect reality show.
"American Transplant!"
We take 20 plucky Americans from across the country, each critically ill and desperate for an organ transplant. Each week we can have a panel of judges ridicule their measly existence and mock their hopes for a better life with a full organ set.
"Really? Call that a disease? That's pathetic. I've had worse pain just listening to you whine."
But the best is yet to come. Each night the viewing audience can vote off the patients they don't think demeaned themselves sufficiently! All in good fun, of course.
And the final, two-hour finale will feature the remaining two patients, both anesthetized in operating rooms. Viewers get to vote on-line or over the phone for who gets the real liver/kidney/whatever, while the other runner up just gets stitched back up and send home. Oh the thrill of it!
And let's not forget those bloopers and out-takes!
"OH dear, the contestant from Michigan actually *died* tonight! Well, I guess *she* won't be needing that extra kidney!"
Bring it on. I'm ready.
Oh, and you know after a couple of seasons we can look forward to "Celebrity Transplant." Maybe we could have one of the Olsen twins trying to get a new liver. Hoo-whee. Now that's TV.