OricXe - Column for 1/19


“What’s your name miss?”

“Putridina, Mr. OricXe sir.”

“And you're from?”

“Putri-City sir, Mr. OricXe dir”

“Miss, before we start. Could you please refrain from calling me sir and pray tell why you call me by the acronym of my real name. It is a bit infuriating.”

“Yes sir…sorry. It’s just that you are a sight of putrifaction such that I’ve never seen before.  Are you not aware of how utterly putrific you are?”

“Putrilicious, I’m sure. You say it like it’s a good thing? Why do you use my name as an acronym? I do prefer to be called by my full name.”

“Operator of InoCular X-Ray Equipment is a bit hard to say is it not sir? Although the name does have a putriotic ring to it. Have you already forgotten where I’m from Mr. Operator that you ask why I find your putricity so alluring?”

“My mind replies that you hail from Putri-City. What does that have to do with the putrificiousness of this meeting? By the way miss, would you please put your shoes back on? In all my years on this earth I have never encountered such a putricious stench.”

“Sorry sir. Do you not know the history of Putri-City?”

“I do confess that I have never encountered such a horrible name for a city. Enlighten me on the putrification that is your city.”

“Sir, in the early years of Putri-City, it was a great and putridless city, a wonderful place to live in. Somewhere along those times our scientific community flourished. During those times experiment were performed on humans to see how they respond to putricity on a cerebral level. The pariticipants of the experiments’ brains were changed in such a way that they would find anything with a bit of putrosity most magnificent. They, the patients, cannot change this although they are conscious of the fact that these things are putrifactions of the highest order.”

“So anything that is in any way putricious to me would seem like a godsend to them. Is that what you’re saying?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. Also a very unputrified version I might add, since the real story is a lot more horrible.”

“What happened to the experimentees? Were they killed?”

“Nope, because the sight of the inputrification, or infection as you might say, was eradicated and the people were set free after a bit of brainwashing.”

“But if they were cured, or unputricated – I think you would’ve exclaimed – then you would not have taken of my shoes and smelt my feet the way you were doing just minute ago.”

“The scientists made a grave mistake you see. Somehow the patients’ DNA morphed to include a putrifescent gene. Remarkably, even though the patients had the gene they didn’t show any signs of being putriated.”

“Are you saying that the gene was recessive?”

“Only for the patients my dear sir. But in every one of their offspring the gene became active and every generation since has been putricated.”

“Surely not many of you could have been infected with this disease, if I may call it that? “

“An oddity of the gene is, whether it’s recessive or not, that it makes the person a sex addict. For that reason being unputricated in my city means a life of hardship for that unlucky soul. He would be bullied and never be able to find a job.”

“I must say that that is quite an engrossing story miss, but we have to get down to business. Why do you want to see the doctor?”

“To get a boob job.”

“Putrid, most putrid. Let’s get you that X-Ray”

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