OricXe - Column for 4/6


This is bad. This is very bad. Can it get any worse? What the fuck? He's like a fifteen year old virgin busy losing it. How is it possible that it can be this bad? His fucking hands are everywhere. Moving like a parkinson's afflicted senior. He has no fucking direction. Rotating my nipples like radio nobs?! What the fuck!

I mean he told me it was gonna bad, but goddamn! What the fuck is this? A teenage love fest? He was so fucking charming!

Fucking Sandy, she set me on the blind with him. Hey, I thought he was sexy. What women couldn't? I knew I was going to fuck him after less than a minute of conversation. He was reading my mind. Telling me everything I wanted to hear? I thought I was the only one in the world who liked to lick the doors.

Goddamn, I anticipated something better than this. Undressing me, he said, "This will probably be the worst sex you'll ever have, but don't worry." It's been five minutes of agony now. Fuck this shit! I'm telling him to fuck off!


He just stopped. In the middle of it. You motherfucker! Am I not good enough, is that it?

"Join me in the kitchen will you? I have something to tell you. And don't worry about your clothes."

As he stood making coffee thoughts supersimposed themselves on his consciousness in immeasurable times. Some of those decoded are is similar to, "When will I find my equal? Will I always have to be the giver of pleasure? Can't back out now. The lady's expecting better and I can't really leave anyone unsatisfied. Can I?"

He sighed as she stepped into the room, the epitome of perplexity. Her body language screamed exasperation. He grinned as he gave her coffee, seating himself.

"How bad was it, do you thing on scale of 0 to ten?" he inquired.

"0, definitely. I'd rather have died" She still wondered what he was up to.

"I'm sorry. I could've given you better, but it wouldn't have been the best. I don't like giving women any less than I can give them. Therefore, I used that little skirmish to figure out exactly how I could make you scream. A lot."


"I should explain, but I won't. I save who I am for my equal. She will be the one who will be able to know the deep reaches of what I long for. She will be the one I open myself too. You are not her. However, I still won't leave you empty handed."

"That's so fucking romantic!"

"Sarcasm becomes you. Give me your hand. Don't worry, I won't bite it. C'mon"

Slowly, she let her hand drift into his outstretched palm. A pleasant heat, warmed her skin as he massaged her. It intensified, moving away outer reaches, deeper. It seemed to searching the one elusive point. To coagulate there.

"Sonofabitch! Why'd you fucking stop."

"Fluids on the floor of a kitchen is unsanitary. Can you remember your last orgasm?"

"No, I've never had one."

He got up, took her hand, and led her to the bedroom.

Columns by OricXe