OricXe - Column for 6/21

The true cause of Global Warming

I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee warming my chilly hand. My hand motions the cup toward my mouth. The coffee flows down my throat, warming me from the inside. A sigh of relief escapes my stomach. Life is good despite the cold.

Fuck it's cold. I guess it's colder elsewhere in the country, but I'm really not used to this cold. Not to mention the fact that I have not one piece of clothing suited to this damning weather. I'm wearing about four layers of clothes here, if you feel inclined to know the unsuitability of my clothes.

Some would blame this weather on Global Climate Change(formerly known as global warming). Some would blame it on God. Some would even go so far as to blame George Bush. I am not one of those some. I blame Windows XP.

Now let me tell you why I blame Windows XP. I blame it because it's not cool. Linux is cool, Firefox is cool, XSane is cool. Windows just isn't cool. Since Windows isn't cool it is therefore hot. In order to get as hot as it is, Windows has to use energy. Energy it takes from everything.

Think about it. There are a billion PC's in the world. 900 million of them run Windows with 300-Watt power supplies. That's 270000MWatts of electricity. How is this electricity generated? By steam turning the turbines at power plants. How does one create steam? By boiling water. How is water boiled? By adding heat!

All this heat goes into Windows! And you wonder why winter's are fiercely cold and summers so unseasonably hot. During summer no one uses their PC. Therefore more heat is spread to the world's people. Just reverse the situation for winter and you have infallible proof that Windows is the cause of Global Climate Change.

This makes the world a uncomfortable place for all people. Poor, rich, computer users and rabbi's are all colder. This is bad. I shouldn't be so cold just because of Windows. Being cold while Windows is hot just doesn't strike me as a fair situation. Fuck Windows I say.

I'm getting a PS3.

Columns by OricXe