OricXe - Column for 8/17

A bit of fiction...maybe not...probably

I’ve been so busy these past weeks that the memory that creation of peanut butter is the first sign of the apocalypse completely eluded me. I mean really, why do they make this stuff when every taste bud instantly recoils from the tang of that nasty, absolutely nasty, brown, sometimes chunky, despicable, gooey, goo?

Anyway, busy. As dating (it feels weird being an unmarried Cantista) in this day and age has become so goddamned expensive, getting a job to increase the gross girlfriend product seemed to be the only way out. Despite impeccable qualifications as a high school graduate, finding someone to give me 200 000 a year plus benefits proved somewhat unsuccessful.

What does a normal person do in this situation? Give up? Start your own business? Go without the love of a beautiful woman until you can find a job that pays 200 grand?

No, no, no. No.

You work at a fast food restaurant! Making burgers that look nothing like the picture, smiling insincerely and saying, “Please come again” two hundred times a day brings such explosive joy, that words are inadequate to describe the depths from whence this joy comes.

My boss doesn’t appreciate sarcasm, so no more from this point onwards, till infinity, plus one. My boss is a likeable dude though, so no sarcasm directed at him will make its way onto this page. Whether he likes to kill people or not is his business.

Frequently I’m astounded by how long some people have been earning minimum wage. Some have been there for more than 4 years earning just enough a month to live on. A very, short, one-sided conversation similar to, “Why the fuck are you still here? Can’t you find employment that pays better? You are a manager, so you are in possession of at least some skills.” Happened by accident after another customer decided to complain to the manager that her burgers were unsatisfactory. Did I mention that only one out of the four burgers was left?

So, with no satisfactory answer forthcoming, I left the manager to wallow in the fact that I used an expletive in front of a customer. Myself wondering when payday was.

The first pay check made me put me in such a good mood that I took my girl out for a burger.

Peanut butter just doesn’t come close to that.

Columns by OricXe