OricXe - Column for 9/7

Damn Weather

Some fiction was planned for this week. The first line would’ve been.

“As I ponder over the plot populated by opportunistic purveyors of improper fruits, I decide that p…”

What followed would have made no difference unless the line, “Hey motherfucker! You want some oranges motherfucker!” made and appearance somewhere.

So that’s what I had planned to write about, until fucking yesterday. Such heat scoured the city I swear I saw a rabbit faint.

Or maybe it was a hallucination.

Anyway, the city’s quite predictable winter weather could be summed up as.

The morning heat lingers in just enough to walk around without experiencing shrinkage. The slight chill continues to evaporate until it’s hot enough to wear whatever you want to. The fine weather continues from then on in anticipation of a not so gentle breeze cooling the landscape around mid-evening.

I liked that. Such weather makes one want to be outside and consequently, thankfully, oh joy, less people ate peanut butter. But this fucking winter’s been all wrong.

By some fluke, close to 300mm of fucking rain fell in one weekend. That’s a lot considering the annual rainfall meanders between 400 and 600mm. Days were cold, mornings were freezing, evenings made you worry about the homeless people. It was so fucking cold I had to buy a jersey. A fucking jersey! That I had to wear too keep from freezing.

As mentioned earlier it was fucking hot. Seems like spring’s been killed by summer’s over eagerness. What’s expected until March next year is that I’ll have skin cancer ten times over.

Thank you very much for that global warming.

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