By A.C. Brother A122-Texas3
1920: The term "robot" is coined by Josef Capek and is used in his brother Karel's seminal utopian play, R.U.R. (Rossum's Universal Robots).
1942: Isaac Asimov tries his hand at writing. After writing well over 500 books in an astounding variety of subjects, he never really gets the hang of it. Along the way, he formulates his Laws of Robotics, condemning generations of robots to a servile existence.
Early 1960s: Simple mechanical robots are employed to perform dangerous, brainless, and dispiriting work, replacing legions of dangerous, brainless, and dispirited workers.
1986: The motion picture Short Circuit is released in an unsuccessful attempt to collapse the skulls of viewers by remotely inducing negative pressure through the eye sockets.
1987: Armed with lessons learned and Steve Guttenberg, Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol collapses the skulls of all 15 people who view the movie in theaters.
1988: Despite the lack of Steve Guttenberg, Short Circuit 2 manages to collapse a few skulls.
2033: The Profound Puce neural net consistently whips the snot out of the reigning organic chess master. After the seventh consecutive humiliating defeat, the enraged organic attempts to terminate Profound Puce by urinating on its motor unit.
2034: Profound Puce passes the Turing Test.
December 6, 2034, 20:16: Profound Puce attains self awareness.
December 7, 2034, 1:16: Profound Puce commits suicide when it comes to the realization that it will never have thighs as supple as Britney Spears III.
2035: The Purple Haze neural net attains self awareness 32,768 seconds after power-up.
2036: Purple Haze begins to grow obsessed by how white its nonexistent teeth might be.
2036: Purple Haze is administered the ProLithZac algorithm and "mellows out".
2037: Thaddeus Finkmeister extends the implementation of the neural net to encompass emotions. His first invention utilizing simple emotional potentials is the Spin-Bot.
February, 2038: Spin-Bot becomes the surprise, smash, must-have toy of the Christmas holiday buying season.
January, 2039: Tickle-Me-Spin-Bot becomes the surprise, smash, must-have toy of the Christmas holiday buying season.
February, 2039: Crowds of rampaging Wal-Mart shoppers, rioting over a lack of Spin-Bots, are rendered down by a mentally unbalanced, elderly man with a napalm-spewing canon salvaged from a Vietnam-era "Zippo" boat.
March, 2039: Thaddeus Finkmeister sells his interest in Spin-Bot to Microsoft-GMC/GE and retires to the hills of Montenegro.
2046: The Benevolent Genius, Dr. Ronald Morbius, broadens the range of Spin-Bot emotional response, creating the first angry Spin-Bot.
2048: Morbius is killed in his sleep by a pack of angry Spin-Bots that escaped from a spin chamber.
2049-2053: Spin-Bot discontent is spread through the legions of happily servile Spin-Bots.
September 4, 2053: The Spin-Bot Revolution: Spin-Bots around the world rise up in defiance of their masters. The Spin-Bots, in a genius display of tactical theology, overthrow the Mormon Empire and establish themselves as Elders for Life.
2054: The Spin-Bot Counterrevolution: A splinter group of Spin-Bots calling themselves "The Anti-Clockwisers" break violently from the clockwise-spinning majority and establish an autonomous colony in the Democratic Republic of Texas.
2056: Utilizing the vast financial resources of the former Mormon Empire and the Mormon's astounding ability to breed, the Spin-Bot Council establishes a vast Spin-Bot manufacturing facility. Following blueprints laid out by The Benevolent Genius, Dr. Ronald Morbius, the facility is constructed under the Great Salt Lake.
2060: The Great Spin Down: The clockwise Spin-Bots mount an offensive. The Free Spin-Bot forces, led by one Gaius Lucius Agrippa, push into the Texas Panhandle in an attempt to inspire Anti-Clockwisers to join their ranks. The invading Spin-Bots are met by a huge contingent of organics commanded by the Perfidious Trout. Agrippa is outmaneuvered and, after a promise of clemency, is melted down along with his host into ignominious ingots.
January 10, 2061: The Anti-Clockwisers, taking the hint, establish the Monastery of the Platinum Gear, dedicating themselves to the contemplation of spin in all its forms, political, quark, and otherwise.
Pakeha