I am The Great Zarthod! Lay your queries before Me so that I may infuse your being with the Truth beyond truths!
Why the flowery language?
That's what most people expect. Truth is Truth, but I find that you humans prefer it to be packaged a certain way. For example, I inhabited the body Paul Reubens from 1978 until 1991. Nobody wants to hear Pee-wee Herman wax oracular.
Why do dogs and cats lick themselves?
They lick themselves in hope that their simpering custodians will give them "kissies". Cats and dogs have a complex and vicious sense of humor.
Are you actually Zardoz in disguise?
You're not the first to ask that one. No, I'm not Zardoz. In fact, I tried to sway Sean from taking that one on, but his was having a hard time post-Diamonds Are Forever. Not even a topless Charlotte Rampling could save that steaming, pretentious pile of movie. "The gun is good. The penis is bad." Psh. Give me a break. Charlotte Rampling sucking on my throbbing godhood couldn't get me to sit through that again.
Is Nick hot on CaCee?
Considering that the entirety of Nick Lachey's fame rests on his successful bedding of Jessica Simpson, I can understand your curiosity about where Mr. Lachey parks his dick. Nick is not "hot" on Jessica's best bud. It's a cry for attention. People will do most anything for fame, such as eating worms, encasing themselves in ice, and impregnating Britney Spears.
Why does Paul McCartney continue to perform?
Remember what I said about cries for attention? Sir Paul continues to write "music" as a sort of death wish. He hopes that, by flooding the world with his insipid crap, he'll inspire another Mark David Chapman. Also, Sir Paul has a complex and vicious sense of humor.
Why do people hunt quail?
It's an effective method of population control. If authorities sell enough hunting permits, eventually somebody will get the bastard.
Pakeha