This week I'd like to call your attention to a true patriot in the current sense of the word.
His name is Mike. He's a businessman. He's probably a self-made man. Like many fiercely independent, self-made businessmen, Mike holds some pretty strong convictions.
Unlike many successful, intelligent, and discerning businessmen, Mike feels the need to spew his convictions over everything in earshot.
Mike owns Country Wood Furniture in San Jose, CA. His web site is largely unremarkable, except for the prominent U.S. flag in the nav frame and an obsession for title caps ("COUNTRY WOOD FURNITURE Has Been In Business For Over Eight Years In San Jose. The Store Offers Mostly Unfinished Furniture With Some Pre-Finished Items.")
For the full Patriotic Mike experience, you really need to visit the store, buy something, and preferably have an accent.
The following is a slightly doctored, first-hand account of friends' experiences with Patriotic Mike:
1. My husband and I placed an order for 2 bedside tables on 4/2. We were told that the furniture would be ready for pick-up in 1 week. This was also written on the invoice.
2. My husband went to pick up the furniture on 4/9. Mike, the owner, told him the furniture was not ready and that he had the date wrong. Mike refused to even check to see if the furniture was there and in general spoke very rudely to my husband. Mike ended by saying "Why don't you go back to your own country." (My husband is from Australia.)
3. I went to pick up the furniture on 4/16. After I inspected and paid for the merchandise, I told Mike that I wanted to speak with him about what he had said to my husband. His attitude was immediately belligerent - he said "There's nothing to talk about" and "Your husband was running off his mouth." When I told Mike I was going to file a complaint with the BBB, he said "Get your ass out of here, you weasel." He then proceeded to follow me through the store and said that if I ever set foot in his store again, he would have me arrested for trespassing. When we reached the back of the store (where my car was parked), he got nastier, leaned right in my face, and said "Get the fuck out of here, you fat cow." He then said he hoped I'd file a claim with the BBB and that if he received a letter, he would frame it and hang it on his wall. He then told me to tell my husband that he would buy him a plane ticket. He also said, "This isn't Argentina or Mexico, this is America."
I am four months pregnant and the whole incident caused me significant emotional distress. Please do not furnish any of our personal information to this man, because his extreme behavior leads me to believe he is mentally unstable and I am concerned about my personal safety.
The mind boggles.
This isn't Argentina or Mexico? Just where do you think an Australian would be from? I'd almost understand if you thought he was a Kiwi or a Pom, but Argentina? And you'd better thank your lucky stars that you are in the United States. In Mexico you'd have a better chance of pissing off someone who'd hire some police officers to haul you off to the back of your store and shoot you.
Why doesn't our friend go back to his own country? Because he's trying to spend money in your store, you amazingly dense person.
Maybe all the people should just go back to their own country, all the Australians, Guatemalans, Indians, Mexicans, Chinese, Russians, Germans, Bulgarians, ad infinitum who have left their countries to pursue opportunities here, bringing with them their muscles, brains, and experience. Maybe we should deport all the foreign nationals and naturalized citizens working in research and high-tech to make up for our nation's complete lack of commitment to educating our own children. Maybe we should build a huge, Israeli-style "security fence" along the U.S.-Mexico border to keep out all the migrant farmworkers so you can proudly pay $15 for a head of lettuce. Maybe we should just deport your own foreigner hind end, Mike. I'm sure if we go back far enough, we'll find some dregs of humanity who clawed their way to the New World to breed and prosper.
So, Mike, you live in a country that allows you to express you convictions. I live in a country that allows me to make enough money to buy new furniture and that allows me to choose where to buy it.
I do not want to buy furniture from Patriot Mike's Country Wood Furniture in San Jose, CA. I'm hoping that all true patriots feel the same way.
Pakeha