Sun Ra - Column for 3/1

Chat Room

{lobar} nader is an idiot
[New] IsNoSpoon has entered chatroom Red Room
{lobar} i wish hed take a long corvair drive to nowhere
{IsNoSpoon} Hi
{IsleOfSkye} Hi IsNo
{MockTurtle} I voted for Nader
{lobar} then you suck penis
{NickCaveFan} I need another alt-rock internet radio station
{NickCaveFan} This one is playing Britney Spears
{emmaL} There's a list of some on the red room website.
{IsNoSpoon} I like Britney
{NickCaveFan} Oh right thanx
{SecretAsianWoman} If you like Britney you don't belong in here
{lobar} the green party is full of fags
{MockTurtle} Sounds like the party for me, then
{IsNoSpoon} Why not?
{NickCaveFan} This isn't a preteen chat, IsNo... college only
{IsNoSpoon} Im in college
{SecretAsianWoman} ... and if you believe that, I've got some
{SecretAsianWoman} swampland in Florida to sell you
{IsNoSpoon} What?
{IsNoSpoon} Britney is cool... toxic is a cool video
{MockTurtle} Ah, the MTV generation
{lobar} better than you FAG
{NickCaveFan} How old are you really IsNo?
{MockTurtle} all of them put together?
{IsNoSpoon} 25
{SecretAsianWoman} *snort*
{NickCaveFan} That's too old for college
{emmaL} Hey SAW - you saw the onion this week?
[New] Mike has entered chatroom Red Room
{IsNoSpoon} Hi Mike
{IsleOfSkye} Hi Mike
{SecretAsianWoman} Hell yes
{Mike} Hello.
{Mike} I have something important to say.
{Mike} But first there is something about myself I must establish.
{lobar} mockturtle is a fag
{Mike} I know everything.
{Mike} Please, ask me any question you like, that I may validate this
{Mike} claim to you.
{SecretAsianWoman} *rolls eyes*
{MockTurtle} you know everything? What color shirt do I have on?
{Mike} You are not wearing a shirt.
{NickCaveFan} What's my moms maden name?
{Mike} Your mother's maiden name is Harding.
{lobar} are you naked mockturtle?
{IsNoSpoon} Mike, ss Britney Spears cool?
{Mike} No.
{NickCaveFan} Um.
{MockTurtle} What do I have in my pocket?
{NickCaveFan} What high school did I go to?
{Mike} Your left pocket is empty. Your right pocket contains a dime, a
{Mike} nickel, and a button from one of your shirts. However, you are
{Mike} not wearing your pants. You are, in fact, completely naked in
{Mike} front of your computer, except for your socks.
{Mike} You went to Lincoln high school for two years, and then
{Mike} transferred to Westside Preparatory School when your parents
{Mike} divorced.
{lobar} your naked????!?!?!?!??
{MockTurtle} Jesus Fuck
{emmaL} How many cookies are sitting on my desk?
{IsNoSpoon} Britney is too cool
{IsNoSpoon} Shes way cool
{Mike} Four cookies.
{IsleOfSkye} Was that right?
{emmaL} Yeah.
{NickCaveFan} How did you know that?
{Mike} I know everything.
{lobar} FFFFAAAAAAGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{SecretAsianWoman} Oh yeah? What number am I about to roll on this die?
{Mike} You will roll a four, and then another four, and then a one,
{Mike} and then a five.
{IsleOfSkye} Be quiet, lobar.
{IsNoSpoon} What am I getting for my birthday?
{Mike} You will get a subscription to seventeen magazine, thirty five
{Mike} dollars, a new CD player, a book you do not want, two sweaters,
{Mike} a new backpack, and six CDs.
{IsleOfSkye} Was he right SAW?
{SecretAsianWoman} yeah
{MockTurtle} Is there a God?
{Mike} I am not going to tell you that.
{NickCaveFan} What numbers did I just type?
{Mike} 5918500148295485
{emmaL} What chord did I just play?
{Mike} B flat major, on the keyboard next to your computer.
{MockTurtle} What price will Cisco Systems stock close at tomorrow?
{Mike} I am not going to tell you that.
{Mike} I believe most of you now at least partially accept that I do
{Mike} know everything. Now you must listen to the message I have come
{Mike} to deliver.
{IsleOfSkye} Is Paul cheating on me?
{Mike} Paul is not cheating on you. He thought about doing it but did
{Mike} not.
{Mike} Emma: you have a cancerous tumor in your right breast.
{Mike} Emma: you must go have a mammogram, and then have it removed.
{Mike} Emma: If you do this, you will never again have cancer.
{Mike} Emma: If you do not, you will die of cancer before you are
{Mike} twenty-five.
{Mike} All of you: be good to other people.
[Depart] Mike has logged off of the server.
{MockTurtle} Jesus H. Fuck
{SecretAsianWoman} Oh my god Im so sorry emma
{IsleOfSkye} Did he really get the dice rolling right?
{SecretAsianWoman} yeah he did
{IsNoSpoon} He told me what Im going to get on my birthday
{NickCaveFan} How the fuck could he know all that?
{SecretAsianWoman} emma? are you okay?
{MockTurtle} I have that whole convo logged
{SecretAsianWoman} emma do you want me to call you?
{emmaL} no, i'm okay, i think
{emmaL} I guess I gotta call a doctor
{MockTurtle} That was unfuckingbelievable.
{SecretAsianWoman} do you have health insurance?
{emmaL} yeah through the university
{IsleOfSkye} I got another question
{IsleOfSkye} Why did whoever the hell that was just come in here?
{IsleOfSkye} Just to tell emma that?
{MockTurtle} Seems like
{IsleOfSkye} But why?
[Depart] lobar has been kicked from the chatroom.

- Sun Ra

Columns by Sun Ra