In a couple more years we will once again have to pick a president. Regrettably, the idiots who voted for George Bush have not realized that, yes, they're morons with no business voting, and will presumably vote again. Repeat offenders as it were.
However, among them will be the oddly numerous "barely interested" voters, who don't really care and think politics are boring and show up at the last minute and push the button for the name they recognize. And yes, these people's votes also count as much as everyone else's, although a few million less than Diebold's.
So to these voters I'd like to say: don't worry about who the candidates are. You have better things to do with your time, and all that people say on television about them is lies anyway. Forget all that. Keep on ignoring it, right up until November of 2008. I have a better - easier and offering better results - way for you to decide who to vote for:
Vote for the state they came from.
Forget that Kerry was a working-class do-gooder who served in VietNam and married into money; forget that Bush was an upper-class cocaine user who skipped out of VietNam and had to be bailed out of every business venture he got into. Don't worry about that - obviously, it was too hard for you to parse anyway.
Kerry was from Massachusetts, and Bush was from Texas.
And Texas has historically provided shitty presidents, and Massachusetts has provided at least marginally good ones. So you should have voted for Kerry.
What's that? You don't know which states provide good presidents, and which states cough up abysmal failures? Well, aside from Texas and failure, which is by now pretty obvious to you and all the rest of us. Have no fear! I have done extensive research, and will now provide you with a list.
Note: sure, some states have a lot more presidents under their belt than others, simply because they've been around longer. But don't look at the quantity. Look at the quality.
Note the second: The state attributions are generally based on where the individual served their highest public office outside of the Federal goverment.
States and their Presidents:
So, what do we see? Well, firstly that Texans and Californians make crappy presidents. Ohioans make mediocre presidents. Tennesseeans are strong but not necessarily good. Massachusetts is a mixed bag.
New Yorkers and Virginians seem to have a pretty good track record, although it's been a while since we've seen a Virginian. And although there's only one president from Illinois, he's a doozy.
So in 2008, forget all the garbage you'll hear on the airwaves. Find out where the candidate is from. If they're a Virginian, a New Yorker, or an Illini, chances are they will excel. If they're from California or Texas, run don't walk the other way.
If they're from some other state, there's no track record to run on. Screwed up as the government is right now, we need known competence - so stick with a good, solid Virginian and you won't go wrong.
- Sun Ra