Wanton Hussy - Column for 4/1

Questions about Porn (Part 2)

As promised, more philosophical and personal questions about porn. Again, you the reader can’t really respond, so these are pretty much rhetorical. To quote last week’s column: “(Unless you want to email me. [But don’t even think of stalking me because my burly husband will beat you up. I’m fat and ugly anyway.])”

Why is porn so unsatisfying? Almost anybody you ask will say that if they were in charge, porn would be very different: no plastic boobies, no money shots, no bad 80s hairstyles, actual plots, etc. So why do people watch them if they don’t like them? There’s a lot less soft-core porn, but there’s still some out there – doesn’t that fulfill the niche? It seems not. At least, to me it doesn’t; soft core porn has the same exact problems hard core porn does, only it doesn’t show actual genitals getting down and dirty. What I personally want is decent plots (thin is ok), decent acting (William Shatner style is ok), and more realistic depictions of people having great sex. You know, enthusiasm, no fake body parts, no money shot, no hours and hours of intercourse with only 30 seconds of foreplay. Why won’t anyone make movies like this? How can we get them to start?

Next, why does porn seem so dirty? Why are “adult bookstores” so nasty? Why can’t they just sell the stuff without having creepy back-rooms where men go to jerk off and spoo on the floor? Why do they make me feel like sex is nasty and dirty and gross and awful instead of wonderful and natural and fun and wholesome? Why is it all about the sex and not at all about the ecstasy of orgasm or the joy of giving and receiving pleasure? It really seems like the whole sex industry has an agreement with the Christian Coalition that they won’t go away, but they’ll be sure to make anyone who even walks near the storefront feel like they should be arrested for perversion. It really makes me angry, and it’s upsetting to me that I can’t even control my own reactions – I get nervous and self-conscious and frightened of being assaulted or even just leered at. It’s such an objectifying atmosphere. Why is it like that? It sucks! It can’t possibly increase their customer base. And look at the success of shops like “Camouflage” and “Good Vibrations!” People love them precisely because they don’t feel awful going into them. Why aren’t there more stores like this? How can we encourage more to open?

Now for some slightly-less video related questions: Why are magazine pictures so boring to me but evidently not to men? I’ve seen a few “girly” magazines and one issue of “Playgirl” and was pretty icked out by it. Not as in “ew gross” but as in “boy, he looks like football player or gay model or someone I wouldn’t like at all.” So why do magazines turn men on but most women say it leaves them dry? Or is it just most women I know, and really the majority of sexually-liberated women like this stuff? Or do they say they don’t, but they lie? But from many things I’ve read, psychologist-types seem to think that men are much more visually stimulated than women; if this is true, why is it so, and if it’s cultural, why is it that way? Would there be any kind of biological advantage for this, if it isn’t cultural? What’s the cultural advantage if it is? (Can you tell I watch too much of “The Human Animal?”)

Randomly, why are there no uncircumcised penises in anything I’ve seen? How uncommon is it to be uncircumcised in American porn or America in general? Are there statistics I can find on the web?

Why do they get women to do lesbian scenes and then dress them up to look totally straight? Or conversely, why do these straight women volunteer to do lesbian scenes if they don’t like it? Why do so many of the women look bored? If someone is licking my clit, I don’t care how inexpert it is or how many people are watching, I can guarantee that try as I might to keep it from showing on the outside, I’m enjoying it no small amount. Since the actresses are even supposed to look like they’re enjoying it, how on earth can they not show any reaction at all?

Why were the vaguely tender scenes in the gay porn so much more moving than any of the ones in the straight porn, and why is it better acted? Is this just a Wanton Hussy-thing as a fag-hag ,or is it more universally agreed upon? Did they just get better actors for this one? Is that usually true of gay porn? And why did it bother me so much when the same actor was used to play two parts, one as someone’s father and one as some anonymous guy fucking the first guy’s “son”? It’s not like it was actually incest; the “dad” guy was maybe ten years at the most older than the “son” guy.

Finally, some personal questions:

How can I be grossed out and repulsed by a video, but still have pokey nipples and not want to stop watching it? Why does explicit sex still make me uncomfortable and feel icky to watch, years and years after enjoying doing such activities in my bedroom? Why can’t I get past all my cultural conditioning that sex is evil and bad? If my head knows it’s not evil, why doesn’t all the rest of this baggage go away?

Here ends my explorations (for the moment anyway) of pornography. I still haven’t addressed my feelings on objectivism or exploitation, but frankly, having so many completely unanswered questions makes my head spin, so I think I’m finished thinking about it for a while.

The porn series is over!

Happy orgasms!

Columns by Wanton Hussy