Wanton Hussy - Column for 5/6

Fetishes I Don’t Get

Let me start this column by clarifying that this is about fetishes I don’t “get,” not fetishes that don’t turn me on. The former are things I simply don’t understand how they can be turn-ons or why, and the latter is frankly none of your business. In general, I get most things, sort of. Few things really truly squick me. Even the gross stuff, I am imaginative enough to try and picture someone doing and what they might get out of it. But some things just confuse me…

In no particular order:

#1 – Shoes. I don’t get it. I get how shoes can be sexy (boooooots *drool*). I kind of get how feet can be sexy, in the right circumstances. But the shoes in and of themselves… No, I just don’t get it.

#2 – Infantilism. This totally mystifies me. Sure, I get the submissive angle, the losing control angle, and how that could be relaxing and good for the soul. But to actually put on (and foul) diapers and regress to infancy… for sexual pleasure… Nope. Don’t get it.

#3 – Anything involving the ingestion of urine or feces. Top of the Ickomoter. Just don’t get it.

#4 – “Playing with” urine or feces I also don’t get. Far less icked out than ingestion, but still on the “ick” end of the Ickometer

#5 – Bestiality. OK, I can kind of see getting turned on by running across two animals having sex, even two non-human animals. I can kind of see lonely Scots looking lustfully at their sheep. I can even go so far as to imagine and not outright condemn said Scots for fucking the sheep. I do NOT get people who would choose the sheep over a willing lassie (or laddie). Please try to stay within your own species, people.

#6 – Emetophilia (vomit play). Since I think most people’s reactions to the sight or smell of vomit is a mild (or stronger) urge to vomit themselves, I can’t see how this can be a sexual stimuli. Sorry.

#7 – Amputees. Please please please, someone PLEASE scrub that image out of my mind. Dear god. I saw “Hustler White” in 1997 and I’m still haunted by it. Ew.

#8 – Pregnant women. Actually, I kind of get this. Well, I get how people can see pregnant women as sexy, and how pregnant women can feel sexy. But yeah, porno movies with titles like “Ready to Drop” kind of squick me.

#9 – Bukkake/cream facials. This one triggers every single bit of feminist outrage in me. But I suppose I can kind of accept that it may be a turn-on for people, even possibly for the recipients. Seems icky to me, though, even aside from the subjugation and humiliation and so on.

#10 – Dwarves. I think it should be illegal to not put “midgets sex” warnings on the outside of the porno wrapper, and that’s all I have to say on the topic.

#11 – Shaving. I don’t see the appeal in being the shaver or the shavee, and I’ve been on both sides. Sure, it gets rid of the pubes-in-the-mouth problem, but I guess that’s never been a major problem for me. Yeah, it’s kind of vulnerable, revealing, submissive… but still, not a turn on for me. Although the power trip of shaving someone’s head… OK, maybe I get shaving.

#12 – Necrophilia – Is this even a fetish or just a mental illness? I don’t get anything involving dead bodies or detached/dead body parts. And that’s enough of that.

#13 –Mud Wrestling/Lime Jello/Pudding/Whatever. I like women. I can objectify women. I can appreciate a good wet-t-shirt contest. I don’t get mud wrestling. How is women covered with mud sexy?

#14 – Furries. I’m sure I covered this topic before…

Ok, I went through three web sites and I’m finished. People seem to play fast and loose with the word “fetish” and include some thing that may be deviant or perverse, but aren’t what I’d call a fetish exactly. Websites: A List of Fetishes, Hentai Dictionary, and Minotaur’s Sex Tips for Slash Writers – kinky stuff.

I’m a bit uncertain whether I should be scared that: 1) most of the things on the websites weren’t new to me (although ‘dog in the bathtub’ and ‘flooding the cave’ were); 2) that I can only think of 14 fetishes that I don’t get; or 3) that of those 14, only 5 really truly squick me.

Columns by Wanton Hussy