So what happens when you want to do the wild thing, but one of you just can’t twist your body into Reverse Cowgirl, even when the bronco ain’t buckin’? Say you’ve got a bruised knee or a broken wrist or a bad back or whatever. The spirit is willing, but the flesh, well, it’s wounded and weak. Then what?
Then, my friends, it’s time to break out the Holy Sutra and see what you can do. Seriously, this is the time for creativity, and for those of you who remember the column two weeks ago, it’s time to brush up on your Sexual Communication skills. Trying new things almost always involves a sense of risk and vulnerability, so be bold and courageous while you ask for what you want, but also gentle and patient as you give these new routines a whirl. Be honest if it’s not working for you. Be able to laugh as you unintentionally get a foot in the ribs. Remember that while getting off is good, cuddling and laughing are nice, too.
And who says you can’t cuddle and laugh your way to some wonderful oral sex or a handjob? Oftentimes we get very focused on penetrative sex, and frankly, when your body is injured, sometimes that’s just too much movement. Take a step back, pretend you’re in high school - make out for a really long time, snogging until you’re breathless and aching before going for the goods.
Take a page from the Lesbian Handbook and give your fingers a workout (the partner without the broken wrist, that is), and spend twice as long as you usually do groping and fondling your lover everywhere. Finger-fucking and handjobs aren’t just for teenagers and can be done in a variety of positions – use your creativity. Revel in the joy that hands and mouths can bring, and remember that the end goal is pleasure, whether you technically get to fucking or not.
Also, if you happen to have inadvertently caused the injury during some particularly adventurous sex, it’s your duty to please your partner now. You broke it – you bought it, so it’s yours now to take care of. Trust me, it’s worth your while, and your lover won’t forget how eager you were to make it up to them.
If any kind of movement at all is just too much, take matters into your own hands, literally – masturbating in front of (or next to) each other can be quite a turn on, and you can even spice it up with some kinky elements like blindfolds (for the shy) and restraints (for the adventurous) if you like. Talk dirty to each other. Have naughty phone sex. Tease. Play.
When the old routine is disrupted, it can be unsettling for sure. But try to think of it as an opportunity to try out some new tricks, or revisit old favorites. Sure, it might not be the most efficient way to orgasm, but sex isn’t supposed to always be about efficiency anyway, is it? Make a catalog of how many different sounds you can get out of your partner just by nibbling. Lick every part of their body in alphabetical order. Blindfold them and have them guess flavors or sensations. The possibilities are truly endless once you stop focusing on getting tab A into slot B and dedicate some time to just pleasuring each other.
Do be sure to keep talking during these new forays and make certain that you’re not unintentionally hurting the other person. Remember, they’ll forgive you (probably – more likely if the sex is good), but it’s better to avoid further injury even in a serious BDSM relationship. As the healthy partner, your job is to make sure the other person isn’t getting hurt worse, even if they’re so close to coming that they don’t care right at the moment.
Finally remember – endorphins do cancel out pain. So while jarring your broken ankle repeatedly during a really brilliant fuck will leave you feeling sore and achy tomorrow, it’ll help with the pain management today!
~ Posted 1 June 2006, property of wantonhussy. Please do not re-post without permission.