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"What is that?"
"You're asking me? You're the one who set up this gig." "Yeah, well... you're the expert. You tell me." "No, seriously, our employers didn't say anything about that thing?" "Nope. They just said it might be guarded. I got the feeling they thought it would be easy." "Easy? That thing's eight feet tall -- and it definitely isn't human." "Might have been human once." "I'll grant you that... you think it's a golem?" "That, or an elemental." "It's guarding a house." "So." "It's not an elemental." "Elementals don't guard houses?" "No. Not generally. Elementals guard, you know, nature things. Effervescent ponds, stygian caves -- that sort of thing. You don't get one guarding a house. A house isn't natural." "I've seen wizards create elementals before." "Yeah, well, small ones, and they're usually distracted. You know, twitchy, restless. Take it from me, elementals generally like being near something natural -- some heavy natural thing, like where ley-lines cross." "Oh." "Something that big and you'll need to get a druid to make it. But he's going to plant it in his favorite grove or something. Something natural. Some weighty natural place." "The house is weighty, and it's made of wood." "Look. Give it a rest, it isn't an elemental. It's a golem. Or possibly some animated pile of mud." "Isn't that what a golem is?" "Yeah. Pretty much." "So you think it's made out of mud? That doesn't look like mud." "I don't know -- why don't you go up and look?" "I don't want to get near it until I know what it is." "Well, that's smart." "Thanks." "We could shoot it." "You think that would work?" "Well, if it shrugs it off and lumbers after us, it's a golem. Or possibly some animated pile of mud." "Which you said was a golem." "Close enough. Anyways, if it gurgles and falls over dead, we know it's just some guy wearing a golem suit... or something." "You think there's a big market in having people pretend to be golems?" "No. Not so much. Probably a golem." "So, what, we have to destroy the scroll in his mouth?" "I think you're thinking of a mummy." "What do we do with a golem?" "Get rid of the writing binding him to life." "How is that different from a mummy?" "Well, with the golem the words are written on the golem. With a mummy, the words are written on a scroll." "So it's magic life-giving words that do them both?" "Yeah." "So why don't we call mummies flesh and bandage golems?" "You go ahead. You can be a trend starter." "You sure it's made out of mud?" "Well, it's dark, but it does look like mud." "How about blood?" "A blood golem?" "Yeah." "Well, I think you'd have trouble writing the spell on it, or getting it to walk about. Kind of splashy, no?" "Well, what about dried blood?" "A dried blood golem?" "Yeah." "So, you picture there's some wizard, and he thinks, I've got all this mud, just outside my front door, but no, I'm going to kill a dozen people, pour their blood in some wacky human-shaped golem mold, wait a couple days, and then animate it... because that's easier than making a mud golem?" "Hey, we're talking about wizards here." "Yep. Yep we are." "So?" "I don't know... shoot it." |