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"The Spider Riders should be here by dawn."
"Remind me again, Lieutenant, are they with us or against us?" "Well, the war priests say they're with us." "Yeah. These are the same war priests that asked if we could put off the siege until the Festival of Livers was concluded? A siege we're the defenders in, might I add. These would be the same war priests that proclaimed our armies should wear planters on their heads instead of helmets?" "I think they wanted the planters to be worn on top of the helmets." "Ah, yes, and does it look like I followed that request? Do you see the battlements manned with seasoned botanists? Do you see my engineers readying the battle arboretums? Fortifying the vine enriched crenellations?" "Not so much, sir, no. Although I hear some of the legionaries have stuck wildflowers in their plumes, though." "They don't look very fierce, do they?" "No, sir." "So the Spider Riders will be on our side." "Unless the signs countermand them." "Signs?" "Omens. Portents. That sort of thing. The Spider Riders are particularly superstitious." "Then they'll get along great with our war priests. I guess that's reason enough not to throw them out of the army." "Yes, sir." "So, the signs?" "Signs and portents, yes sir." "What are they?" "Oh. Yes. Well there's blood on the sun." "So, a red dawn would be bad, or good?" "Well, for the Spider Riders it harbingers doom." "Doom for who?" "Unclear. I think they'd first suspect it means doom for them." "Doom if they join us? What if it means doom for them if they run away from the battle? Or fight against us? Doesn't an omen of doom just mean and omen of doom. Can't avoid doom, right? Doom doom doom. Going to die." "Er... as you say, sir. Should I send a war priest up here to explain it?" "You do that, I'll pitch you over the parapet." "Doom. Check." "Any other signs?" "There's the Winds of Despair, sir." "Any change they're talking about me?" "Pardon?" "I'm not filled with confidence here. If they over hear me doubting their sanity do they pack up their things and join the armies of the Lightning King?" "Well, you'd run that risk with the Orks as well as most of our other allies, sir. Not the most understanding of people." "People. Good one. So we're looking for a beautiful sunrise with no wind and no offhand comments from our officers." "Ideally, sir." "Any other?" "Other what, sir?" "Signs? Things to send them bolting away like frightened mice? I can't believe we're counting on these guys. They're the terror of the Six Empires, the ravagers of the Gelid Wastes, the million legged juggernaut army - and any random portent sends them packing? Blood on the sun, Winds of Despair... anything else?" "Well, there's something about fighting for the Bloom of Righteousness or something like that." "..." "Sir?" "Tell the legions to start picking flowers." |