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"I thought you said we’d all get spider monkeys."
"Nope." "No no, I remember. You said we’d all get spider monkeys. That’s not a spider monkey." "Indeed. That’s a monkey spider. I said you’d all get monkey spiders." "They’re not the same thing?" "Does that look like a monkey?" "Well, slightly, but it’s not really fur covered... not so mammalian." "Not so much, no." "You don’t have anything a little cuddlier?" "Well, I have woolly monkey spiders. But it’s more, well... frankly, woolly is a bad word for it." "Do I want to see them?" "No." "So we’re going to rob the bank with these?" "Yes." "And they can wield guns?" "No. They’re just spiders." "I don’t think anyone’s going to think those are "just" spiders. Spiders you scoop up with a piece of paper and whisk out the window. I don’t see anyone whisking that thing up." "Well, yes, they are a little large. And they’ve got a horrible temper; I don’t think there’s ever going to be any kindly whisking in their future." "But I thought we were going to train them to walk into the bank with guns and do our job for us." "I was thinking we can just put some in the room." "That would work." "And in the chaos, we collect all the money." "And we can’t use spider monkeys instead? I think the boys would be all for using spider monkeys instead." "Well, it turns out they’re kinda sloth like. You wouldn’t think so, right? Someone says spider monkey and you think, good lord, someone get me an umbrella. Kings of agility, or so I was told. But no, mostly just sitting around, chewing leaves. Now, you take a monkey spider, and wow, watch that thing go. You should have seen Igor when one of them tried to burrow its way up his leg." "Pants leg?" "Initially, he made a grab for it and it went deep." "And so these are your ultimate weapon?" "Well, yeah, what do you think the rent-a-cop will do when faced with a dozen monkey spiders? Hold the gun on us, or try to keep the things out of his pants." "I think you’re missing my point... is it wise for us to try to rob a bank that’s infested with monkey spiders? They seem like a dandy deterrent. Sort of like holding up a liquor store located in the middle of an active volcano." "I don’t see the analogy." "What are we going to do to ensure that the little buggers don’t seek to hide themselves inside our shins while we’re robbing the place?" "Oh." "Yeah. Oh." "Well, they can’t go through metal. You know anyone who has any suits of armor?" "I’m wondering if you’re the best person to plan this heist." "But I’ve already got the monkey spiders." "I’m not thinking that’s going to help your argument." "Well, I still have the spider monkeys." "And you’ve trained them to use guns?" "They’ve got huge brains... well, for their size. I mean, twice as large as howler monkeys." "And you’ve trained them to use guns?" "No." "I think that bank’s going to be safe for a little while longer." |