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"Zombie dentist?"
"Yeah." "I can’t see that many zombies as sticking through dentistry school." "Oh, no, I mean dentists who work on zombies." "Yeah, ‘cause that makes sense." "Sure. I mean. We couldn't have zombie as dentists, right? What with the patients just sitting there in the chair, their brains just a drill bit away from dinner... Who could resist? I mean, who zombie who. You know... if you wanted brains." "Certainly not me." "And not me. Honestly. I mean, you know what they’re like when they’re around fresh brains." "Not really, but I’ve heard tales." "Yeah, but, well, I guess a zombie would be the best sort of dentist for other zombies." "... ’cause zombies need dentistry." "Sure they do. Can’t get your teeth in a skull if you don’t got ‘em." "I can imagine that’s quite a downer." "Actually not so much; zombies don’t really get frustrated... when they’re in a feeding frenzy, that is. They’re wonderfully concentrated at that point -- nature’s little engines that could, so to speak." "And it would be a crying shame then for the rest of us to feel one gumming up our skulls." "Look, what’s with all the anti-zombie bigotry?" "It’s not bigotry; they want to eat my brain. I think of it as self defense. Training people to give them new teeth is just damn suicidal, if you ask me." "So you think we shouldn’t have lion dentists?" "By that you mean people who operate on the teeth of lions, right? Not the other way around?" "Yes." "Sure. Help the poor kitties out. But, you know, lions are cute. And they’re in zoos, and when was the last time you heard of anyone being eaten by a lion?" "But you lead with cute? Your main argument is that we shouldn’t repair zombie teeth because they’re not cute?" "No, that’s not my main argument. But I think it’s still a valid consideration. My main argument is that zombies aren’t controlled, and arming them is just wrong." "I didn’t picture you as an arms control sort of a guy." "Well, I am -- for zombies." "But not for you. Guns for you -- not for zombies." "Darn toot’n." "And maybe some guns for lions, because they’re cute. Arm the toothless lions." "Look, don’t be silly. I’d be perfectly happy to have dentists work on any zombies that are locked safely away in a zoo. Big toothy zombies behind bars." "But not for zombies in the wild... yet I suspect that you don’t mind vets that treat lions on the African veldt." "Well, no, lions in Africa can have all the dentistry they want." "I just find it odd that you can defend dentistry for lions and other man-eaters because they’re cute, but balk at humanitarian aid for zombies." "It’s no longer humanitarian aid. They’re dead." "You’re so blatantly an anti-zombie bigot. Look, they’re perfectly civilized when they can’t smell brains, it’s a proven fact." "And yet you never see any of them opting for a nose-ectomy." "Well, it’s against their religion." |