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"You can't be thinking of going down there."
"It's the only way." "But you saw... You saw what just came out of there. That thing looks like it feeds on stray dogs." "I'm pretty sure you're right. If I had to guess, I think that's what it's doing right now. Which is why I have to go down now. While it's out." "What if it's not the only one?" "And the other creatures don't go out hunting because they're shy and retiring?" "I don't know. Do you know what that thing is? I've never seen anything like it. I don't even know where you'd classify it. Eight legged aligator? Leathery spider? How do we know its mate isn't sitting on a clutch of hungry little things?" "Only one way to find out." "No, there's about a million ways to find out. We could throw lots of dynamite down the hole and come back when they're all squished. We could call in the army and send them down. We could make a tank with ground penetrating radar and cruise it around the neighborhood. All sound so much better than crawling down there." "Those all happen in the future. This happens right now." "Yeah, well, future-me says that he's having a great time where he is, with all his limbs intact and not living inside the gut of a giant tarantula-rhino." "Ok. Fine. Let me just talk to future-you. What's that? The lobster-hippos were just biding their time until their RV sized egg sack errupted with a thousand spawn? Oh? You're safe and sound, provided you don't go outside, steel plate the windows, keep away from the exterior walls, and never ever ever step foot in the basement because it turns out those massive pincers they wield are great for burrowing?" "At least it beats walking into certain death." "We have a moral obligation to try and nip this thing in the bud." "Nip. Wrong verb. I think the monsters claimed that one." "Fine. You stay up here -- I'm going into the lair of the beast. And I'm taking my high moral horse with me. My high moral horse who happens to be an expert spelunker, despite his hooves. His caving prowess is buoyied up by his tennacity and firm belief that he's doing the right thing." "Look -- what are you going to do if you find an egg sack? You've got a flashlight, and that's about it." "It's a big flashlight." "You ever try taking on an RV with a flashlight? You're the one talking about colossal birthing creches. And what if you're wrong. What if it's just a single worker drone and there's some sort of mamoth queen under there that doesn't come out because she can't fit through the hole anymore." "That hole? It's big enough to drive a car through." "You make my point for me." "Look, if it's a queen, I out run it. If it's an unsquishably large egg nest, I'll come back for a lighter." "And if it's a lazy, beer drinking, couch deforming, stay at home dad-creature?" "I sell it aluminum siding?" |