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"If you get the chance, never hang around dancing giants."
"Frightening?" "Dangerous. To start with they're not the most graceful of creatures... and I don't think anyone's ever taught them a dance step in their life. It's more like brawling than dancing, only with music." "So no waltzing..." "How can I put this -- you know how some director might put asteroids colliding to the Blue Danube? That's the closest they get to waltzing. Anyways, waltzing would be a moot point since there's no such thing as a giant string section. The closest they get is a variety of hollowed out tree trunks that they beat together. It's deafening." "So -- danger, deafness and despair?" "Well, the music isn't that bad, if you're listening from the next mountain over. Of course then you miss out on the lyrics." "Because giants are brilliant singers?" "Not singers, but they're pretty good at rhymes and meter." "Really?" "Yeah." "So that explains all the house sized beatniks hanging out at open-mic night; and the Labrador sized books of sonnets littering the poetry sections of the local Crowns & Noble." "Labrador sized?" "You know, big, well, bigger than a book. Labradors are big, right?" "I just fail to see the connection between dogs and poetry books." "Well, there's the Groucho Marx quote." "You don't think that's a bit of a stretch?" "Not as much as Giant Poets." "Big hearts. Big loneliness." "Big stretch." "I don't know why you don't see any books on giant verses. Maybe they rely on oral history, or have a hatred of paper products, I don't know." "But it's good stuff. It's worth a listening to?" "If you can get close enough, sure." "But if you get close you're in danger of being achy-breaky ground into the floor." "Except, you know, no line dancing. Look, all I'm saying is that it's no safe place for a man nor beast, even a Labrador, to be -- at a giant dance that is." "Because it's like some sort of slam dance for colossi?" "Yeah." "Don't they get beat up?" "I suspect so... slam dancers do. I mean, you take a look at your average giant; he always looks like he's already been beaten up. When was the last time you saw a handsome giant? They're all sort of lumpy." "And you think it's the dancing?" "Well, it could happen after the dancing, but if you can imagine hanging around for the dancing was dangerous, you can only imagine how much more so it might get... if you get my drift." "I'd rather not, that's something I'd just rather not imagine." |